Not Quite Right

Gotta love Google ad words

matt — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 23:37:45 +0000

http://www.p00le.net/boy-racer.gif

In this story in the Herald, the above amusing Google advert was found.

--UPDATE: This was entered in the wrong blog initially, and has now be corrected--

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Customer service? What?

matt — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 05:42:24 +0000

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/1/story.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10483185

So most people have heard about it by now. Many have even read the emails. But because they're so awful to try and read when you're going through multiple layers of forwards and signatures and email addresses, here they are in their unadulterated glory.

Oh, I hear you asking "them? Plural?" Yes, Margaret actually sent TWO emails to customers that were of this vein, one back in September. I'll treat you to that one first.

From: Lai Tong
To: outcatering@gourmetfoodstore.co.nz
Cc: Tina Petrie
Sent: Monday, September 10, 2007 1:25 PM
Subject: Trust Investments - Breakfast catering

Hello Margaret

Thank you for catering the breakfast for us on Thursday 6 September 2007.
We ordered this breakfast from you based on the very good quality and presentation of the first breakfast and lunch you supplied.

Unfortunately, we were disappointed with both the quality and presentation of the breakfast supplied, and we wish to comment as follows:

** Baps filled - We received filled Muffins instead. These were too big and unattractive with minimal filling.

** Filled Pockets ¨C Supplied as requested but were not fresh and the fillings were messy; some pockets had strips of bacon which consisted of fat and rind.

** The Savory and Sweet Mini Muffins were a little tough.

** The Muesli slices were very nice.

** The Fresh Fruit platter which was ordered later, was also disappointing, for example the ends of the orange were included which consisted mainly of the white plinth.

We would appreciate if, in future our request cannot be met, you contact us to discuss alternatives/options.

Thank you

Lai Tong
Reception
Trust Investments Management Limited

From: Gourmet Food Store
Sent: 11 September 2007 12:43 p.m.
To: Lai Tong
Subject: Re: Trust Investments - Breakfast catering

Hello Lai Tong,

I am sorry you were not happy with your clients breakfast, I am rather confused to say the least that you waited 4 1/2 days to inform me you were disappointed in the consumed breakfast food, it is rather unbelievable. If I was so unhappy I would have been on the telephone immediately and had the food replace forthwith. Of which I would have been more than pleased to do after having seen it again for myself.

Re fruit platter what is white Plinth. The only Plinth I know of is a square slab at the base of a column or pedestal. If you wish to discuss this further I am on the numbers below please don't send an email it is so time consuming and impersonal.

Regards Margaret

From: Lai Tong
To: Gourmet Food Store
Cc: Tina Petrie
Sent: Wednesday, September 12, 2007 2:19 PM
Subject: RE: Trust Investments - Breakfast catering

Hello Margaret

Thanks for your reply. The breakfast on Thursday 6 September commenced 7.30, the food was delivered at 7.20. Many of our guests had already arrived.
Could you have provided a replacement breakfast in 10 minutes?
The 4 1/2 days to inform you of our disappointment included a 2-day weekend.
All in all we are surprised with the unprofessional response to our complaint.

Thank you
Lai

From: Gourmet Food Store
Sent: 12 September 2007 6:53 p.m.
To: Lai Tong
Subject: Re: Trust Investments - Breakfast catering

Hi Lai,

I guess because I am the boss I can speak truthfully and not be afraid for my job, Does your boss know you are wasting their time emailing petty nonsense. In my 30 yrs as a successfully trained professional caterer I have never had to respond to such nonsense.

Please don't use Gourmet Food Store again we are not used to part timers who have to much time on their hands,have no understanding, good manners and common sense in dealing with a complaint there and then. You never gave us an opportunity to amend what you said was wrong, we or course were never given the food to make an assessment of our own just some nicely typed out letter fully or criticism with no proof, not good enough !!!!!! The food could have been tampered with for all we know.

May I suggest in closing you spend a little more time in finding the word your were looking for in English relating to the orange so I can ask my supplier to remove it before he sends them to me in future.

Kind Wish

Margaret. Owner /Operator

From: Lai Tong
To: Gourmet Food Store
Cc: Sue Rossiter; Tina Petrie
Sent: Thursday, September 13, 2007 9:27 AM
Subject: RE: Trust Investments - Breakfast catering

Hello Margaret

Yes, my boss Sue Rossiter, Manager - Administration Services, was aware of my dealings with you.

I have forwarded a copy of this to her and she will be contacting you.

Lai

And now for email number two, from the serial offender...

From: Hayley Johnstone
To: Gourmet Food Store
Sent: Thursday, December 13, 2007 8:57 AM
Subject: Catering - Monday 17th Dec

Hi Margaret,

We are having a group of 30 people next Monday from 4.30 pm. (numbers to be confirmed) I would like to know if you are available to cater for these nibbles please?
If you are available can I please order the following:

1. Beef & Hornradish Bon Bons in Filo
2. Fresh Salmon sushi
3. Mini Spinach & Feta quiche - Please make the smaller quiches or cut them in half
4. Glazed Chicken drumsticks
5. Fresh bowl of strawberries - can we have these dipped in chocolate?

Can you please send me a quote beforehand aswell?

Thank you

Hayley Johnstone
Accounts and Event Management

From: Gourmet Food Store
Sent: Thu 12/13/2007 11:40 AM
To: Hayley Johnstone
Subject: Re: Catering - Monday 17th Dec

Hello Hayley, The price will be $13.00 per person

Regards Margaret.

Gourmet Food Store

From: Hayley Johnstone
To: Gourmet Food Store
Sent: Thursday, December 13, 2007 8:11 PM
Subject: RE: Catering - Monday 17th Dec

Hi Margaret,

The food we have ordered amounts to only $8 per person. Are the strawberries $5 each per person?

Kind regards,
Hayley

From: Gourmet Food Store
Sent: Thursday, 13 December 2007 8:59 p.m.
To: Hayley Johnstone
Subject: Re: Catering - Monday 17th Dec
Hi Hayley,

Beef Filo $2 $2
Quiche $2 $2
Sushi $2 $1.50
Drumsticks $3 $2.50
Total $9.00
Large Strawberries dipped in Chocolate minimum 2 per person $2.00 each x 2 == $4.00
9and 4 ==== $13.00 per person

Regards Margaret.

From: Hayley Johnstone
To: Gourmet Food Store
Sent: Friday, December 14, 2007 8:05 AM
Subject: RE: Catering - Monday 17th Dec

Hi Margaret,

On the website your prices are advertised differently?

Can you please send me the pricing on strawberries not dipped in chocolate?

Kind regards,
Hayley

From: Gourmet Food Store
Sent: Monday, 17 December 2007 6:09 a.m.
To: Hayley Johnstone
Cc: Marg Keen
Subject: Re: Catering - Monday 17th Dec

Hi Hayley,

You placed an order last Thursday and have NEVER confirmed your order for Monday AFTER 3 emails .

You asked for a quote which you were given then queried the prices against the website.Why ask in the first place. May I suggest you read the Home page of our site regarding pricing.

I personally don't have the time or inclination to sit on the computer all day playing email ping pong. Please confirm your order by 9am this morning some 7 hrs before the function begins TELEPHONE 8200668 otherwise I will take it that the order is no longer required the QUOTE IS $9.00 PER PERSON .( at this late stage chicken drumsticks will not be an option Thai chicken cakes or mini chicken satays,s will be ) AND MAY I SUGGEST YOU COLLECT YOUR OWN STRAWBERRIES.

We are a very busy catering company who has given you very good service in the past and will not be treated in this off hand manner business is business. This job if goes a head will be cash on delivery or payed by credit card. Incidentally we are going to be selling our house very soon and question your companies professional practises if this incident is anything to go by.

Regards Margaret.

From: Hayley Johnstone
To: Gourmet Food Store
Cc: Marg Keen
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 8:58 AM
Subject: RE: Catering - Monday 17th Dec

That is the rudest email I have received in a long time.

We will not be requiring your services again.

Hayley

From: Gourmet Food Store [mailto:deli@ihug.co.nz]
Sent: Monday, 17 December 2007 10:06 a.m.
To: Hayley Johnstone
Subject: Re: Catering - Monday 17th Dec

Get into the real world young lady if you ever attain the position to be self employed you may understand hard working successful business people don't make it hiding behind late floods of emails. Not having the fortitude to call by telephone tells me your incrusted in your sit down loads of spare time job.

Re rudest email tells me you once again you are not in the real world and haven't fully matured but it will happen.You were probably bottle feed till late teens.

I just have so much fun with time wasters. Have a great party shame you will have to pay so much more for it.

I will hopefully be calling your boss before Christmas re our not listing our property with Ray Whites I am sure they will be interested and could give you more to do. And you thought my first email was rude. I expect you still believe in Santa Clause.

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

When the brain farts...

admin — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 22:48:43 +0000

From today's work email:

From: Academic staff member
cannot receive email.

From: CS Support staff member
What exactly is happening? More detail, please.

It made me laugh

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Censorship is dead. Long live the revolution

admin — Wed, 02 May 2007 06:28:35 +0000

http://yro.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=07/05/01/1935250

Since I live in a country that, thus far, doesn't honour the DMCA, I'm free to say "09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0"

What's so significant about 16 pairs of hexadecimal digits? They're an encryption key for HD-DVD, and the MPAA are frantically issuing DMCA take-down notices, claiming that those digits are copyright. hmm, copyright on a bunch of numbers, eh? Fuck that for a game of cards.

Since the current game is to plaster those digits around the world, to demonstrate the futility of trying to censor anything online, especially not something which seeks to defeat a hated monopoly's throe of power, I figured I'd get in on the act too. And there they are. For those of you who missed them, those 16 bytes are: "09 F9 11 02 9D 74 E3 5B D8 41 56 C5 63 56 88 C0". I say again "zero nine, eff nine, one one, zero two, nine dee, seven four, ee three, five bee, dee eight, four one, five six, see five, six three, five six, eight eight, see zero".

Suck on that, MPAA fuckers

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Lazy people fuck me off!

matt — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 23:23:43 +0000

I work on level three of a seven-storey building - basement through five. Now, I don't think it's unreasonable to take the lift when you're going up three or four floors. Most people would agree, I suspect. So I'm not against the use of lifts, per se.
But I get REALLY fucked off when I watch the lifts go: G, B, G, 1, G, 1, G, B. No, that's not an exaggeration, I've actually seen it happen. Why didn't I take the stairs? I, personally, don't much fancy carrying a 30kg server down four flights of stairs.
No wonder we're turning into a nation of lard-arses, when people won't even take the stairs down ONE FUCKING FLOOR!

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Amusing licence plates

matt — Sat, 03 Mar 2007 23:15:55 +0000

Most of you know that I've got a personalised plate - CMATGO. But as much as people find that one good for a giggle, there are others out there that are just outright hilarious. Well, they are if you've got a mind like mine.
Unfortunately I wasn't able to grab a photo of yesterday's example, due to my phone battery running flat, but it's easily described. Black Subaru Legacy wagon, with the plate "LH RH". Obviously they're concerned about the intelligence of drivers behind them. Or they're being mean to dyslexics who are travelling in the opposite direction...

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Stop the world, I want to get off

matt — Thu, 18 Jan 2007 03:30:40 +0000

Now, we've all got small-world stories, where we met someone who knows someone that we haven't seen for years. It's rife, and NZ seems to be a particularly great place for such things. Bump into a fellow Kiwi on the streets of any city in the world and you'll almost certainly be able to find someone who you know in common, particularly if you've both worked in the same industry in NZ.
My world is getting just a little too small comfort, though. Was at a friend's (Rachelle) birthday party last night, at the Corner Bar in town. Happened to look out the window, and spotted a guy (Rob) who I worked with a decade ago, standing chatting to some of the other guests. Bowled on out to say hello, and discovered that he actually owns Corner Bar, and has known Rachelle for years. That's not that small, I know, but the world does get smaller still. One of Rachelle's best friends used to be friends with someone who Rob and I knew when we worked together, independently of this circle of friends.

So stop the world, I want OUT!

Original post blogged on b2evolution.

Conspicuous consumption?

matt — Fri, 05 Jan 2007 09:54:32 +0000

Went down to Foodtown Greenlane last night. Happened to glance at a locked cabinet in the wine aisle - the one where they keep the really expensive bottles. Saw a few that were in the $100 range, including one that was $130. Then I saw a sign that completely floored me:
$449. No, that's not missing a decimal point. No, it's not an exaggeration. I should really have taken a photo. A $449 bottle of red. A shiraz I think it was (I was too staggered by the price to pay much attention). An Australian red. So not even French.
And the best bit? You're meant to cellar it for 20 years. It was a 2001 vintage, so it's good for storing for another 15 years before being drunk. Is that the perfect scam or what?! If they drink it now, to see what they spent $449 on, and think it tastes terrible, well, that's the buyer's fault for drinking it too early. If they drink it in 15 years or so, and think it tastes terrible, well, so sorry too bad how sad, it's a bit late to ask for your money back. Absolutely brilliant.

We know that it's possible to produce wine cheaply - look at all the $15 bottles of perfectly adequate plonk - so there's no way that it costs anything like the price of this bottle to make it. That's a lot of profit. I think I'm in the wrong business.

Original post blogged on b2evolution.